The Modern Energy Paradox: Why You Feel Tired Even When You’re Doing Everything Right
You’re doing everything right—sleeping, eating, moving—and still feel drained. What if your energy isn’t gone, just trapped?
Last week at the ATxSG tech summit in Singapore, I connected with a woman leader in her late 40s while waiting in line for coffee. She looked calm, polished, and embodied success. It wasn’t even noon, but it was already her third coffee of the day. She admitted she was exhausted—and couldn’t figure out why.
She sleeps seven hours a night. She eats clean. She exercises. She journals. She’s doing everything “right” And yetshe feels tired.
Of course, there are physiological reasons we might feel depleted—ranging from vitamin or mineral deficiencies to viral or bacterial loads, adrenal fatigue, or hormonal transitions like perimenopause. These are valid and worth investigating with a trusted practitioner.
But what I want to explore today is something deeper—something often overlooked.
Because even when the physical is taken care of, many of us are still walking through life with low batteries and foggy minds, reaching for caffeine just to make it through the day.
This is what I call The Modern Energy Paradox: we’re doing all the “right” things—and yet, energy feels scarce.
So what’s really going on?
It’s not just about what we do. It’s about what we carry—in our bodies, our minds, our nervous systems, and our unresolved stories.
This isn’t an energy deficit. It’s energy leakage.
And until we seal those leaks, no green smoothie or cold plunge will make the fatigue go away.
Let’s go deeper.
The Great Energy Misconception
Most of us think of energy like money in a bank account—something to save, spend, manage, and hoard for when we really need it (hello, retirement anxiety). But what if that entire framework is flawed?
What if energy isn’t meant to be stored at all?
I’ve come to believe that we’re not energy generators—we’re energy conductors. We’re not reservoirs—we’re rivers. Energy is meant to flow through us. But most of us have become expert dam-builders, stacking up fears, obligations, and overthinking until that natural flow can barely move.
And when energy gets stuck, we get tired.
The more we grip, the more it slips.
The more we try to “save” energy, the more we leak it.
The Five Energy Drains Silently Exhausting You
After years of watching my own patterns—and working with others—I’ve identified five major ways energy gets trapped and drained. If you’re constantly tired, chances are one (or all) of these is at play.
1. The Hoarding Trap
We cling to what we’ve acquired: money, titles, people, beauty, reputation. We fear losing it. And that fear creates a death grip that’s exhausting to maintain.
I learned this the hard way: nothing is truly mine to keep. Not success. Not youth. Not even certainty.
When I stopped trying to control outcomes and started trusting the flow, my energy levels transformed.
2. The Weight of Secrets
Every unspoken failure, every hidden shame, every secret you carry is like dropping rocks into your river. The more rocks, the slower the flow—and the older you feel.
I see this constantly: people aging rapidly not from years, but from the emotional weight of what they won’t release.
Don’t let it steal your vitality. Find a trusted person—a therapist, a friend, a coach—and start removing those rocks. Your future self will thank you.
3. The Unfinished Business Burden
Every open loop—every task you’ve procrastinated on, conversation you haven’t had, bill you haven’t paid—creates energetic drag. It’s like having dozens of browser tabs running in the background of your soul.
Right now, grab a pen and make a list of everything that’s incomplete in your life. Don’t judge it—just write. It might take a day, or a week, but seeing it all in black and white is the first step to clearing the backlog that’s quietly draining you.
Commit to resolving every item on your list this month.
You’ll be surprised how much energy is trapped in what you’ve been avoiding.
4. The Decision Paralysis Prison
We burn more energy avoiding decisions than making them. Then we waste even more cycling through the same ones over and over.
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), FOBO (Fear of a Better Option), FOFO (Fear of Finding Out)—they’re all energy thieves.
Here’s a rule that changed my life:
If there’s doubt, there’s no doubt.
If it’s not a 100% yes, it’s a no.
When decision fatigue hits, I remind myself:
“I’m in the right place at the right time. What’s meant for me will find me.”
5. The Inner Civil War
Each of us holds many identities. The parent. The friend. The leader. The lover. The artist. The child. The caregiver. The rebel.
When we suppress one to favor another, we create inner conflict. And nothing is more exhausting than battling yourself.
Instead of suppressing, honor all parts of you. Give each identity time and attention.
For example, when I spend a lot of time in my “businesswoman” identity, my “mother” identity starts to feel guilty. So I dedicate a full day to being 100% present with my son. Then I return to work replenished.
Same when my creative side feels starved—I feed it. These days it’s ballroom dancing for me.
No suppression. No conflict. Just conscious attention to all of who I am.
Is Having Too Much Energy Unsafe?
Here’s the twist: many of us are afraid of having abundant energy. It feels unfamiliar. Unsafe. So we unconsciously drain it—through endless scrolling, numbing habits, emotional drama, or staying busy with things that don’t matter.
But what if, instead of suppressing your vitality, you channeled it into your vision?
What kind of impact could you create if you stopped leaking your life force?
Your Energy Reboot Plan
Want to restore your energy flow? Start here.
This Week:
Spend 30 minutes writing down everything that’s incomplete in your life
Identify your biggest energy drain from the five categories above
Practice saying “no” to anything that isn’t a clear yes
This Month:
Have one difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding
Complete at least ten unfinished tasks from your list
Notice when you’re trying to “save” energy, and experiment with giving it away instead
Moving Forward:
Develop a daily practice (meditation, journaling, walking) that connects you to your intuition
When FOMO strikes, repeat: “What’s meant for me will find me.”
Honor all parts of yourself without judgment
Your energy is waiting for you.
Stop storing it. Start conducting it.
P.S.
If you’ve been feeling consistently tired despite doing all the right things, it’s also worth checking in with your body. Nutrient deficiencies, chronic stress, viral load, and hormonal shifts (like perimenopause) can all play a real role in how we feel. A great practitioner can help you rule out or treat what’s happening physically—so you can do the deeper energetic work from a solid foundation.
What energy drain are you ready to release this week?
Hit reply and let me know—I read every message, and your stories often inspire future issues.
If this spoke to you, please share it with someone who might need it.
Love the practical aspect of the article! Took a pen and paper and after listing about 15 of unfinished tasks fell better already! Will continue with my journey of conducting, not storing. Thank you❤️